WHY LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE? With Coach Fortune Munsaka, Zimbabwe
One would give a different opinion in response to this question depending on which side of the world that person is at. A religious somebody would give a different opinion, a socialist,
a philosopher and just like what a politician would do. So everyone hold reasons for getting involved in love relationships for different purposes. The first question is to know why do you need to be in a love relationship. Most often we find ourselves in love relationship to get love, to get security financial, to be protected and to have a family of course. Sometimes we want that person to complete us by occupying the emptyness in us so that we feel valuable and loved. But some of the key reasons being sharing of love, helping each grow spiritually and emotionally.
Often times we make this huge mistake of desperately wanting to get right partners for ourselves and forget to check if we are the right persons for the right partners we are so desperately in need of. One of the most important things we need to do is to first love ourselves, find the real us, define ourselves and know our value. By this we will also need to have enough love for ourselves to share with someone else before expecting them giving us their love. If you can ask yourself “Do I have enough love to share or I am just a receiving jar which is needy and desperate to be filled with love. If your main aim is to get love instead of you giving love then it’s a clear indication that the relationship will not come out nice for you. You will need to clean and dust yourself. If the case is the other way round you will have to ask yourself if the person you are falling inlove with is the kind of a person who is in a good space to learn about themselves as well as you. It is one of the Paramount things to learn to love yourself and others without being so defensive. In every relationship there are misunderstandings and it takes someone who is willing to learn to sustain a good relationship. Most often people tend to be good and most loving until a conflict arises, then that’s when you will get to learn of their true characters. Sometimes just find out if your significant other gets angry, how long do they take to get back to their normal. Being able to and willing to settle your differences in a more mature manner is one tablet to lead a healthy relationship.
Another aspect you can use to see if your partner is the right person for you is to see if they are capable of caring, do they show compassion, empathy, are they supportive in your interests and are they able to accept you for who you are? If you find out that the person does not meet the above attributes, he or she is probably not the perfect person for you. Of course not everyone is good or perfect and it’s not like we’re being judgemental but that is the honest reality. There is no possible way one can spend a lifetime with someone they are not in harmony with. The other fundamental aspect of an alive relationship is to find out if is there any mutual or spark of attraction? Do you feel sexually attracted to this person? Do you enjoy his or her presence, do you enjoy it when they hold you. For this relationship to work you at least need to feel physically attracted to this person, failure to feel that for a long period of time, it’s an indication that the spark may never be there at all. The person might be a nice person to spend time with, but not a romantic somebody.
Sharing interests is one of the crucial ways to find if you are really meant to be in that relationship. Are you able to do certain things together, planning together, do you share same religious and social values. Do you respect each other’s space, do you agree on certain things like going out together, sexual life, eating, dressing? This is because when we love a person we love them with their flaws. Despite all their downside, we should not expect them to change for the better, because this will definitely result in heart breaks. So we need to first change ourselves and make sure we’re are the right partner before looking for the right partner. The more we love ourselves, the better are the chances that we will attract a loving relationship.
At times again, we are so quickly to jump into love relationships. You need to give yourself enough time to find and learn the real and good partner for yourself. It is of no use to see somebody today, you are already in love with them within a period of seven days. That’s not love, actual it’s just infatuation in its high definition.
It is always fun how you see someone on the street and you want to stop them and ask for their contacts, and it becomes bad because your intentions become clear at that particular moment. Then, you go around telling people that you have found a love. Have you ever considered how many people does this person stop and ask of their contacts per day? What guarantee is there that you will probably be the only person for that kind of a person, girl, wake up there are wolves out there.
I think a normal somebody would not tolerate such behavior especially if they are looking for a real love partner. Sometimes we cry so much complaining that relationships are not working for us, yes it’s okay because we would have fallen for a wrong person at the wrong time in the first degree. That’s why these days there are a lot of divorced people, single fathers, single mothers, it’s all because we run for instant people, and make instant relationships,
and everything just becomes instant.
For us to survive in these matters, we need to swallow our pride and invite God in our marital affairs. For God is love and love is for Him. So if he is love, why can’t we trust him at least once and see if he cannot take us through health love relationships?
